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Fruits

Fruits

I was so lucky to find kiwis at the grocery for only 50php (usual price is 85 up). I can finally break free from meat, carbs and sweets even just for 1 night.

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Scent of a Woman

I just finished watching Scent of a Woman and I felt sorry for myself for not watching it in my younger years. It’s one of the best movies I’ve watched for the fact that it made me cry a bucket. The scene where Charlie suspected Frank was sad, weak and not his usual self a day after he came home from seeing a woman, I remember my father. He (my father) is paralytic after 3 stroke episodes. Maybe, he has also the same thoughts as Frank, he’d rather die than live being unimportant and unhappy. I broke down with that thought. At least before my father dies, I ask the Lord to grant him happiness he deserves. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. I can trade half of the happiness I will be experiencing in the future for him. I can’t bear the fact that I can’t do that for now. I hope I’d become rich in the future so I could grant him that. And I hope I’d be richer to give him more of my time for his remaining time. He is bedridden, with only one fourth of his body functions. And that is his upper left body with amputated hand.

The story made me love my parents more (not that I didn’t love them any less before) and I realized my capacity of my love for them not because they are my parents, but because I know they love me more than I will ever know and I am sure that my guilt-feeling for not giving them all the luxury they deserve is hundred folds of the guilt they have for raising me up a failure. And I hate myself for that.

It was a very sad and beautiful movie. I can watch it again. It’s worth watching over again.

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Cookie Butter

Cookie Butter

My cousin who now lives in the US sent (or should I say, I ask for it) me a bottle/jar of Cookie Butter since I got curious of the taste since pictures of it are all over Tumbr, Facebook and Instagram. Only to get disappointed. It’s sold here in the Philippines for 450php per jar/bottle, and it is not worth it. For me, the taste didn’t justify the price. Nothing beats Nutella and Peanut Butter.

Down

Some days I am like this. Sad, negative and depressed. And I feel sorry for myself for having to feel this despite the fact that I have so many reasons to be thankful for.

March 2, 2014

Some people and circumstances in my life have led me to the thought that at some point, we have to learn to change for the better so other people would respect us. And today, I decided to make an extra effort to change so people who do not know me well enough would not to hate me.

It’s just so sad that some people don’t allow me to become me. Worse, I chose to become somebody else, too.

Al Pacino

It was just recently that I watched the The Godfather and since then, I fell obsessively in love with the young Al Pacino. And made me think of the girls in 1972 when it was first aired. They must have fallen madly in love with Michael Corleon as I am in 2014.

I wonder what would I look like 20 or 30 years from now. I’d be wrinkled, old or even dead by then. So take pictures as many as you like for you will never be as young as your are now.

Letting Go.

The genuine desire to be part of someone’s life fueled my life for 2 years. A dream that made me strive to be a better person for that one special guy. But after so many tries to get his attention and love, I come up to a decision to finally let go of that dream. I am in so much pain today for giving up on him, even though I know there would be no chance of us being together, ever. But because it’s so comforting to think of us being together in the future, I still held on to it for a long time. But something happened today that I realized it is time to live my life. Very far from perfect, from what I have wished for, but definitely more beautiful and real.